


our end & our beginning

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Bendemption, Eventual Smut, Fluff, HEA, Kylo needs a hug, Lightsabers, Post-TRoS, Rey Needs A Hug, Reylo - Freeform, Roselo friendship FTW, fuck jj, lightsaber healing, rey saber
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:47:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21814645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "The war was over. After years of fighting, spilled blood, and lives lost, it was all over. Rey stood over Palpatine’s recent and last life form, heavily breathing and scared to say anything or to move an inch, as if it might shatter her current reality. She had to fight the urge to crouch down and really check to see if he was finally dead, but she knew through the Force that nothing was left inside of him.Kylo had made sure of that. "
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 17
Kudos: 42





	1. the end

The war was over.

After years of fighting, spilled blood, and lives lost, it was all over.

Rey stood over Palpatine’s recent and last life form, heavily breathing and scared to say anything or to move an inch, as if it might shatter her current reality. She had to fight the urge to crouch down and really check to see if he was finally dead, but she knew through the Force that nothing was left inside of him.

Kylo had made sure of that. 

The obscurity of the temple they were in didn’t help ease her nerves. She felt as if all billions of her hairs were on fire, increasing in energy as if she was ready to explode like a burning star. There were rocks falling from above the pit entrance. The echoes of the dark side were penetrable, tempting her but also humming inside of her. The remnants of her temporary turn of being dark still lingering inside, not gone but not urging for control either. _The Force was calling to her_ , she realized. It was balanced, and it didn’t want anything -- no, it didn’t, but _someone_ did. She made herself step away from the deceased figure and look around. She almost forgot she wasn’t alone.

Kylo stood a few feet behind her, catching his breath as if his life depended on it. She warily made her way over to where he stood bent over. As she roamed her eyes over his body, there was a nasty gash, blood spilling from his side at an alarming rate.

“Kylo! You’re hurt”, she forewent any hesitation she might have felt going near him to land on her knees, attempting to tend to his wound. While applying pressure to his side, she almost short circuited when she realized that the balanced Force energy she was feeling wasn’t hers, but it was _his_. 

She tore her gaze from his gash up to his. She found his eyes, piercing through hers. Time could’ve passed in days, months, and years but it wouldn’t have made any difference. There was no time or life or being that made sense in that moment--only him. Him and his timeless eyes. Rey knew what his eyes have seen in recent memory--images of him finding out he was a manipulation from an ancient being, seeing Rey’s turn to the dark side, looking at Palpatine dead in the eyes before he and Rey joined together in the Force to blast that old grape into his grave for sure this time. 

Balance.

The bond was alive and well, connecting their minds and souls. Kylo felt her relief in that instance, relief that he was alive (maybe barely), that this whole mess was over. There was another small relief, a tinge of it that he managed to grab onto, that perhaps her loneliness was done, but Rey retracted that feeling, unaware before that she was projecting and that he was attuned to it. Their moment was done once Kylo grunted in pain again, and Rey helped him retreat to feet, ready for them to get out of this place.

That wasn’t before Kylo managed to set fire to the lifeless course that once was the Emperor.

  
  


*

The bacta suit was a ridiculous piece, Kylo knew that. 

It still shouldn’t have made his mother laugh as much as she did, though. Her off comments about his size and the tightness of the suit on his form was a goofy look, and he didn’t need to look through a mirror or into his mother’s mind to know it.

It’s been five days since the war was over.

The New Republic was no more. Now, the Alliance was set in place. During his confrontation with Palpatine, the Resistance held their battlefront and took down the First Order for good. Allies from different parts of the galaxy came forth to fight. Many First Order officials and Stormtroopers rebelled and joined the cause. Long gone was the choosing of political sides, no, this battle was all about light and dark. The Force called everyone from beyond Force users, aligning them to its will. Its will was balance, and it shook everyone who wanted either or out of its sight.

He knew the buzz of everyone at the base was stemming from him. The former Supreme Leader Kylo Ren was being treated in the former enemy’s base in a bacta suit after ending the conflict of all the ages. The medical droids even knew who he was, often referring to him as “Supreme Leader”. 

He’s had a lot of time to reflect on the events that have passed.

His forth reigning thought is how easily his mother accepted him back. Not to say he was suddenly off the hook, no, not at all. The courts upheld him to the highest of treason, but since his defect aided them in the victory, their sentencing was a merciful one. His sentencing was mandatory imprisonment on a planet. He wasn’t allowed to travel or go on foot without being tracked. Admittingly, he did roll his eyes rather obviously when they read his sentence out loud, only to be shoved by his mother who stood by his side.

His mother. A fierceful warrior, she was.

Their reunion was an intimate one. Rey immediately had sent him off to the medical bay once they escaped the temple, and Leia was by his side all of the time. Many were cautious to let him be alone with her, but Leia being Leia, they got their much overdue time together. He would be lying if he said he didn’t sob for two days straight.

Now, on the fifth day, he’s still overwrought with emotion. About Leia. About finally feeling free. Feeling trapped on Takodana, the last place he thought he would end up at. 

The final thought that crosses his mind before he ends up sobbing again for the third day in a row is knowing all these thoughts that cross him are his, and his alone.

*

  
  


The war has been over for two weeks now.

Trades and commerce have resumed, the galaxy and its life returning back to normal.

For Rey, she doesn’t really have an idea as to what normal is. Normal was Jakku, herself, and work. Now, she’s been in limbo for the past two weeks. After helping defeat Palpy, as Finn jokingly called him, her life has been flipped on its head.

How do you live after war and survival have been all you knew?

So, she meditates. And studies. And practices her form. For what exactly, she’s not sure. All she knows is that she needs to keep busy or her head is spinning. She’s still recovering from her dark side turn, not quite sure what to do with that information. Most of the Resistance avoids her now, as if she would kill them instantly like how she instantly turned dark. Thankfully, her circle of friends have tried to include her in their activities. The parties and mechanical work have not ceased since the victory was won, so there’s plenty to do.

Still, she can’t help but feel empty after it ends.

There’s still feelings of loneliness and exclusion that Rey so desperately tries to tune out. When Finn and Rose are talking and eating together, she feels it. When Poe and another Resistance pilot are getting rather too close to each other, she feels it. When she’s asleep at night and her body is yearning for touch, for heat, for coldness, she feels it. Her spirit and soul are balanced, but _she_ isn’t.

Her confusion is endless.

Occasionally, she reaches out in the Force to get a response back. She lies to herself and says she doesn’t know what or who. But after two weeks of no response, she doesn’t bother anymore. 

Obviously, she knows Kylo Ren has been kept away in hiding, trying to heal. Whispers of his heroic takedown still roam around the halls today, and Rey doesn’t have to be a Jedi to know she’s included in the mix whenever his name is mentioned. 

She never had the guts to visit him. What could she say after all? _Hey, it was super cool cooking that dude with you. Wasn’t it also cool how I almost tried to kill you with dark side powers? Also, what are we?_

So, she’s avoided him. It hasn’t been too hard, thankfully. His force signature is off, due to his state of healing. Leia hasn’t mentioned anything to her except his sentencing. Her friends don’t really say much about him, only concluding how weird it is to not have him be their public enemy number one. Every time she passes his medical bay, she steadies herself enough to try and sense him but chickens out every time she thinks she’ll succeed. 

Except this morning, she overheard Poe say that he finished his treatment and was given clearance to leave the medical bay. Rey wasn’t expecting the news, so she embarrassingly choked on her caf, and rushed the _hell_ out to immerse herself in meditation. She didn’t notice the smug smile Rose gave behind her back.

Meditating was _hard_ , she realizes.

Maybe it’s because she chose a spot where the hangar wasn’t too far away. _Yes, that’s why_ , she reasons. Usually, nothing eases her more than hearing engines roar to life, the smell of grease and oil, machines moving around parts. Maybe today wasn’t the day to be here. She’s about to get up and leave from the small secluded area when she bumps into the wall that wasn’t there before. 

The wall grunts back and looks down at her.

Kylo huffs a shaky breath out in reaction to her body being so close to his. Neither move, but both gaze at each other, unsure of what to do next. Rey doesn’t know what to do, she can’t move, can’t talk, so she continues to stare. 

Her first impression is that Kylo looks like he got a good night’s sleep.

He chuckles quietly, but stops when he remembers where he stands with her, which at the moment is pretty unclear to the both of them.

Both step apart from the other, forgetting that their bond comes alive in proximity, their thoughts and feelings no longer secret.

Rey clears her throat. “I heard that you recovered”, she starts off in a small voice. She can’t seem to look him in the eyes anymore, so she dusts off the imaginary dust off of her clothes, “I’m glad to see you are”.

It’s his turn to clear his throat now. “Yes, I’ve managed to heal properly.” He answers so formally. Stupid answer. “How’s your meditation?”

“Uhm, alright? It’s hard to concentrate”, she feigns as if that was the problem at hand. 

He scrunches his eyebrows. “Well, you managed to pick the only place in the whole base that can hide tauntaun screams.” He quirks a small smile. “I can show you where I used to meditate, if you’d like.”

Rey rolls her eyes. If he can banter with her, then he probably has healed properly.

*

They trudge up the mountains and into the trees, long and steady against the wind that threatens to blow off their leaves. The mild weather is dropping and although she should be cold, the large statue of a man next to her meditating doesn’t fail to remind her how hot he is. 

_Woah_ , she chides herself, _I meant hot as in body heat_ —

“You need to focus.”

Rey snaps her eyes open and side eyes Kylo from her right. “Maybe I could focus if I wasn’t cold or had you chosen a better spot—“

“Enough.” Kylo opens his eyes and shifts his sitting form so that he is across from her. “You’re distracted. Something is troubling you. You need to learn to deal with it and not ignore it.”

Rey scoffs. “Are you serious? Should I remind you what happened only a few weeks ago? I nearly died saving you, my friends could’ve died, you could’ve—“ she stops dead in her tracks, the bite of her words falling from her tongue. _You could have died_ , she doesn’t say. 

Kylo swallows bitterly, understanding what she meant. “What I mean”, he begins slowly, “is that you need to focus the energy on solving what you’re feeling, not trying to hide it.” He drops his voice to a hush, “Trust me. I tried it all.”

“Why do you care?” Rey can’t stop herself from saying it. 

Stunned, Kylo forgoes his peaceful state. “Excuse me?”

Rey abandons her pretense to meditate, resolving to stand up and just _leave_ and she’s almost successful until he blocks her path. She faces him, toe to toe, chest to chest and is about to side step him when she realizes she can’t move. 

Kylo froze her in place. 

_Are you fucking serious—_

“Rey.” He places his hands on her shoulders tentatively. He doesn't fully let his weight rest on her, almost scared as if any contact between can scorch him.

Deep in her mind, she remembers learning how to tap into the force source of others in order to manipulate it. She closes her eyes in fury and she hears her name being yelled from a distance, but she can’t hear that right now. She feels as if in the Force, there’s a key unlocking, the puzzle finally setting apart—

She opens her eyes and manages to break the hold Kylo had on her. She snarls as she commands her saber into her hand, and pounces on Kylo, who fortunately sensed her moves to block her saber with his. 

“Rey!” He shouts, blocking another shot, “Have you literally learned _nothing_ from me?”, sounding almost _annoyed_. She can’t hear him and moves to another stance to strike down again, with Kylo being another step ahead of her again by blocking her swing. 

The Force is singing.

Their moves are calculated, rough, but easy enough where they know it’s less of a contest and more of a _need_ to strike, as if all their untested energy for the past few weeks demanded release. Kylo isn’t sure what to do but to follow Rey’s lead, blocking primarily but getting a few push offs from her saber. The color of both of their sabers change color every time they collide. The blue and stark red blend and create a white light, which should be more fascinating but given everything that’s happened in the past few moments, he’s more worried about gaining another gash across his face from her.

“Rey!”, he hisses as their sabers lock onto each other again, honestly quite exhausted from the couple of minutes of parrying they’ve been doing. “Knock it off, I can sense your turmoil. Let me help you”, he begs, hoping she can hear his sincerity. He shoves her off with a little _hmph_ and deactivates his saber, expecting her to do the same. 

She doesn’t, though. She stays stoic, cold, and ready. Kylo decides to probe further into her, hoping to uncover what is causing her to act this way, but is cut off when her lightsaber, his old one, starts to change.

He’s seen this before, a few weeks back.

He remembers the dark side engulfing her form, how much hatred she had for him and her parents, and how she was able to use her dark side powers in defeating Palpatine.

The saber has lost its solid color and the light started to flicker. 

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

Rey’s lightsaber crystal cracked, and the saber started to sizzle and crackle. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He swallows, throat thick with regret. “Snoke and Palpatine hid it from me too. But it’s the reason why I was able to peer inside your mind and see so easily. It’s the reason why we share this bond. Everything—it all turns back to you, Rey.” he says quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to up it to three chapters because the angst made me too sad to write smut lmao 
> 
> Angst train alert 🚨 
> 
> Final chapter 3 will include the smut
> 
> For context: in this version of TROS, Rey is never a Palpatine. The events on Exegol are left to whatever you think happened, but Rey did turn into her dark side self where she almost killed Kylo. He was going to sacrifice himself so he could kill Palpatine as well until Rey pulled back and understood what was going to happen. This is really about her resolving her inner turmoil.
> 
> The force bond works differently here too in the sense that due to recent canon, they’ve sensed each other their whole lives.

The dark side never gets enough. 

It feels and pulls anything in its grasp in order to gain power. It feeds on the living and the dead. Nothing in its way, except the light, will ever stop in order to get what it wants. 

Kylo has the sense to snap out of his stupor and approaches Rey, who is too stunned to realize how close Kylo is now to her. They both view the crackling saber in her hands, amazed at how the sound of the broken crystal cuts through the wind of the forest. The original blue light radiating is torn between a red and a white, as if it can’t make up its mind on what to settle on. 

What keeps him from looking in wonder too long is Rey’s face crumpling in pieces. 

“No,” she whispers to herself, shaking her head in disbelief, “not again.” She looks up desperately to him, horrified by what she’s seeing. 

He’s not sure what prompts him to do so, but Kylo steps a few feet back and ignites his own red saber. The crackling of his red saber cuts through the sound of Rey’s own saber. Further unsure of what to do, he steps closer to Rey until their sabers are side by side. The proximity of the kyber crystals being close to each other starts quieting the crackling of each saber until there’s only a soft  _ hum _ between them. The color of both sabers no longer bleed blue or red, but only a white light.

Rey and Kylo stare at each other in wonder, chests heaving in unison. “A dyad.” Kylo says it with an emotion that Rey can only describe as pride. She can’t bear for him to continue any further so she quietly shuts off her saber. “I think that’s enough for today,” she says with quiet determination.

*

They both retreat to their quarters quietly after emerging from the forest to the base. It’s obviously funny how the other members of the base are actively not trying to stare inquisitively at the pair of them as they make their way in. No one has seen them together since Rey dragged him to the med bay for treatment after their victory. But, wherever there’s two or more gathered, rumors swirl around. It doesn’t surprise her either that whenever anyone has talked about him, it’s been  _ her _ name in the conversation as well. 

Perhaps it is more out of intimidation or fear that they are left alone for the rest of the evening from everyone. It doesn’t take having the Force to know there’s still some residual fear of having two force users on base, especially when both were thought to be actively killing each other. 

Rey doesn’t really have the courage to let them know that they never really intended to hurt each other.

Sleep escapes her at night. She’s tried using meditation techniques, but it never comes to her. Whenever her eyes close, she keeps seeing her dark side image taunt her for her failure once again. Her heart races with anxiety until she comes to realize that her legs somehow left her bed and dragged her to Kylo’s quarters. She’s not even sure if this room is his. But as she reaches out into the force, she’s met with a presence she knows all too well. Her sudden actions suddenly catch up to her and before the heat of her embarrassment can reach her, the door her face is so close to zooms past to open. 

She’s met again with Kylo’s chest for the second time in the day. Her eyes slowly trail up to meet his eyes. She notices that his skin seems more healed tonight than it did earlier today. Reading her thoughts entirely too well, he says quietly in the dark, “I just finished my last bacta treatment tonight. Our sparring earlier did a number on me.”

She’s not sure what causes the dam to finally break, but she feels herself slowly lose her balance and falls to her knees. Kylo is already meeting her on the floor, steadying her before the rest of her body touches the ground. He picks up her body as if she weighed nothing, and sets her on his lap on the edge of his bed. 

She  _ sobs _ . 

Kylo doesn’t hesitate a beat to throw his bare arms around her, cradling and rocking her frame. Her body is wrecked with heaves and wails. The sounds get trapped in Kylo’s black tank, and it doesn’t take long until it’s soaked in her tears.

She’s never let herself cry after denying Kylo back on the Supremacy.

Even though she lost Luke, she found solace in his actions and in Leia. His death was not wrecked upon by havoc, but by exerting a peace and justice only Luke could do. She could feel sorrow, but she couldn’t cry about that.

It continues on throughout the night. Kylo just lets her do whatever she needs to do to heal. He was in her position a couple of days and weeks ago. He’s all too familiar with the pain and gashes the dark side leaves you with. This pain, these cries, these wails—this type of release has been a long time coming for Rey.

His heart ached for her. 

It’s only until dawn when they both wake up to find themselves tangled up together. They somehow managed to scoot up from the edge that they were on last night to the center. Rey must have fallen asleep after crying for so long that he tucked her in beside him. His pillows are covered with their hair, splayed out in all directions. They slowly untangle their limbs, Rey detaching her arm around his torso to place it under her cheek and on the pillow. Kylo mirrors her actions, and they face each other while the orange sunlight illuminates their faces. 

“Tell me.” Kylo whispers to her.

Rey releases a long shaky breath. “I can’t explain it. It’s like one minute I feel okay, I feel balanced, but then there’s this anger that just wants to escape from me.” Her tears start to trail down her face again. “I don’t know how to tame it. I tried. You couldn’t even stop me before, back at—“ she stops mid sentence, not wanting to recount the events at Exegol. “I’m scared,” she admits finally. “What if I can’t control myself and I fall again without ever coming back?” She asks him with her face torn in anguish.

Kylo smiles sympathetically, his eyes searching her face. “You shouldn’t be afraid of your dark side, Rey. I refused who I was for so long that it twisted me inside out. Look at me, Rey.” He cups her cheek and her breath gets caught in her chest. “This anger you feel—it’s something deeper than you realize.” Rey nods, not understanding but knows that he’s right. “I think you need to understand it first.”

He gets up from his bed to dress quickly in his black tunic and his now blue trousers, forgoing the all black ensemble. Rey diverts her eyes, blushing a bit, and rises to her feet as well. He holds out his hand to her and she accepts it. 

*

Kylo takes them again to the forest, but this time they stay on a low altitude where the cold won’t bite her as much. It’s early dawn on Takodana. The workers who have begun repairs on Maz’s old castle are nearly done after a couple of standard years. They always start at dawn to ensure the weather doesn’t mess with their plans. Kylo never interacts with anyone on base other than his mother and now Rey, but he can’t help but ask the workers how repairs are going as they make their way to the forest. The workers grunt at how much faster their work could be going if they had better tools to lift the more heavy sediment, but otherwise don’t seem bothered at the fact that Kylo is conversing with them. In fact, they seem to be more interested in why Rey is near Kylo at all, but thankfully don’t ask. They continue on their path when Rey asks him, “You caused most of this damage—shouldn’t you be helping?” she teases. Kylo rolls her eyes at her but if she sees the creeping flush of embarrassment at her comment, she doesn’t acknowledge it. 

They make it to the clearing. They didn’t bring their lightsabers or any other weapons, so Rey thinks they must be meditating. She is about to sit on the grass in a crisscross position when Kylo stops her. She looks at him confused, silently asking him to clarify.

“We’re not meditating right now. We’re fighting.” He states simply. 

Rey is confused even further, and points the obvious. “Uhm, we don’t have any weapons.”

He blinks at her. “We don’t need weapons.”

Rey is about to ask if he took his medicine today, surely he’s going a little cuckoo because if they’re physically fighting in hand to hand combat, she’s sorely lacking in the height department. Instead, he closes the distance between them in one sudden step. 

She goes to backs away as her natural reaction, but he holds her in place with his hands resting on her elbows. He quirks an eyebrow at her and she replies with a look that says  _ can you blame me?  _

He drops his hold on her and explains. “I know you would’ve broken down like how you did last night at some point.” She grimaces as she’s reminded. “However, I think my proximity expedited the process. If I’m correct, what we’re about to do is the last piece to the puzzle.”

She still doesn’t understand. “I’m sorry, what does fighting you accomplish for me?”, she asks slowly. 

Kylo smiles a sad smile. “I wish I can tell you but I don’t know, not yet. I had my own take at this weeks ago. Trust me.” She nods, unsure but trusting him. “Why don’t you start with why you’re angry at me.” 

Rey furrows her brow. “I’m not angry at you.” Kylo rolls his eyes. “I’m not! I-I-“ she stutters, shaking her head as if a reason might come to her. “I mean, I guess I’m angry you tried to die for me.” Kylo nods his head, urging her to go on. “And I’m angry that old bastard was toying with you this whole time. I’m angry that you put your life on the line for everyone here and they’re still scared to even say your name.”

Kylo looks at her with something akin to wonder, but shakes it off, becoming irritated. “Rey, as nice as these things seem like they are, I need you to dig deeper. Why are you angry with _ me _ ?” He emphasizes to her a little bit more forceful this time. 

Rey scoffs, matching his intensity. “If we’re trying to get to why you killed your father, I think we already discussed that.” she snaps back at him. He clearly likes her answer, nodding his head in urgency as if she’s starting to piece it together. “I’m angry you took someone who could have meant something to me after having no one.” she states. 

Kylo visibly saddens and Rey is about to ask to stop, but he interrupts her before she can. “C’mon, dig deeper. I know you forgave me for that already,” he says softly, “even if I don’t deserve it. But that’s not it. There’s something you need to realize still.”

Rey loudly sighs, emotionally drained already, and starts retreating back to base. “I think I’ve listed the main points. Honestly Kylo, what were you trying to accomplish here?” Kylo trails behind her, clearly not giving up on their exercise. 

“Rey, what about your parents?” She stops in her tracks and slowly turns back around to face him. “They abandoned you, sold you. I was raised with all the resources in the world and it wasn’t enough for me. Yet you had nothing and avoided falling to the dark for so long.” He steps closer again. “Why is that?” he asks.

She tries to remain stoic and cold as she answers. “We’ve already discussed this. The Emperor didn’t know about the dyad, which is why he only sought you out. I’m sure if he did know, I would’ve fallen earlier. You held out hope for so long. You knew there was an awakening, as soon as I turned 10.” she grits out. “It doesn’t make a difference who knew what about the dyad, we can’t change the past.” With that, she starts retreating back. 

Kylo stays in his spot for about five seconds before he calls out to her. “So—that’s why you’re angry.” 

Rey stops in her tracks, annoyed. “What in the Maker’s name are you suggesting?” She whips around to face him again. “That I’m angry the Emperor found out about  _ you _ and not me? That I’m angry that he didn’t snatch me up and create a home for me when I realized what I was feeling?” she snaps at him. She doesn’t realize she’s in his face yelling until Kylo sniffs loudly. 

“I mean, it makes sense. You always wanted a home.” Kylo says dangerously, cold. “You’re angry at me because he chose me and not you.” 

Rey laughs a bitter laugh. “You’re unbelievable, you know? How dare you!” She backs away a couple feet, her face becoming a terrifying composition of anger. “The only reason he chose you first was because  _ you _ knew what the force was at a young age.  _ You _ felt all my fears and desires and thought they were your own, until you suspected someone else was connected to you.” Rey spits back at him.

Kylo argues back at her. “You think I knew what the dyad was at that age? I was a kid!” he yells back at her. “I didn’t know on the other side of whatever this thing is-“ he gestures back and forth between them, “-was an abandoned child.”

“But you should have!”

And there it is. The dam finally breaking its last defense. 

Rey crumbles for what seems like the twentieth time in the past ten hours. Kylo visibly deflates, understanding now where this is all stemming from. 

“It’s not fair to you,” she says in between sobs, “but do you know how many times I cried out at night hoping someone could hear me?” Rey wipes her tears. “All this time, you were there. On the other side.” Her voice breaks, her pain as fresh as the day her parents left her. She looks at Kylo in front of her, who is visibly shedding tears, his eyes full of regret. 

“When I found out about the dyad, it made sense.” Her voice is thick with emotion. “I always felt a presence, and I thought at first it was my mind keeping me safe. But then I learned about the force, and thought it was the force keeping me sane.” She looks at him with longing now. “After all this time, it was  _ you. _ And when I found out through Palpatine, out of everyone, that you suspected the same, I felt betrayed.” At her admission, she lets out a painful cry that she was trying to hold in. She clutches her stomach as she bends over to wail. Kylo falls to his knees and holds her free hand. 

He sniffles away whatever tears got caught inside him before speaking. “I remember someone mentioning a girl when they first informed me of you. I didn’t want to believe it. I had regressed any memory I had from when I was younger of a young girl, desperately asking for help.” He swallows, throat thick with regret. “Snoke and Palpatine hid it from me too. But it’s the reason why I was able to peer inside your mind and see so easily. It’s the reason why we share this bond. Everything—it all turns back to you, Rey.” he says quietly. 

Exhausted, she falls to her knees to meet him still holding his hand. She can’t quite control her sobbing just yet, so he continues on. “I don’t think your anger is coming from you not being able to resist the dark side. I think it’s with me.” he smiles sadly. “If I could go back and change everything, I would.” He says this quietly, but so fiercely that it startles Rey enough to stop her cries. “If I just trusted the force, it would’ve shown me you.You would’ve never been alone.” He searches her face, as if she’s a wonder to behold. His hands go to cradle her neck, her hair. Her hands automatically cup his cheek. 

Rey’s head swirls around at what they’ve just confessed to each other. Yes, she should hate him. He’s taken a lot from her and denied her something that could’ve been so beneficial to them both when they were younger. But at the present, she suddenly doesn’t care. Her anger dissipates as she stares into Ben’s eyes. She was calling him Kylo this whole time that she failed to recognize that the person who returned to rescue her, to save her, and who was willing to die for her was  _ Ben _ . The person who understood her turmoil, the only one to bring her back from the dark, the one who is staring at her in wonder. The one who swore he could redo everything to make her happy. 

It all makes sense now. 

It was always Ben. It will always be Ben. 

She doesn’t think anymore. She’s done thinking and calculating. No side, light or dark, can manipulate her right now. No, she does what she so desperately wanted all those years ago. She  _ loves _ . And for the first time, she’s not afraid to give it. 

  
Her lips crush his in a moment's notice. He doesn’t miss a beat, and engulfs her in his arms to deepen the kiss. They put everything they can’t put into words in the way their lips move and glide across each other.  _ I forgive you, you’re worth it, I’m sorry, I love you. You’ll never be alone again _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing the smut as we speak because I too want to see them bang it out
> 
> Send me love on Twitter: @Linaxlight

**Author's Note:**

> Four fucking days until TROS.
> 
> Chapter two going up Tuesday.
> 
> Send me love xx @Linaxlight
> 
> **EDIT
> 
> this is now a post tros fix it fic because FUCK that blue bullshit we saw


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